Wood You Be My Valentine


We all you hope you had an amazing Valentines day and had an explosive evening of romance, passion and lots of nookie. If however, you are looking for something a bit different from the usual dinner, flowers and boxes of chocolates followed by a conventional quick pump and dump. We have compiled the definitive bucket list to take your Valentines date to the next level of sexual exploration.

Sausage sucking

A bit of tonsil tickling on the todger is only fair if you’ve shelled out for overpriced posh nosh earlier in the evening.

Muff Diving

A bit of rug munching always pleases the missus and will get her wetter than an Otter’s pocket.

Downing the Brown

Go forth, explore the backdoor and try the dark forbidden entrance.

Mr Whippy

Rope, whips and a bit of slap and tickle to get her stomach (and arms and legs) in knots.

Dykey Dancing

Nothing more beautiful than watching two birds lapping away at the nectar of love. Guys love the idea of a clunge hungry girlfriend too.

Get your best mate to bang the Missus

Not as popular as above with the fellas but we say;

Roses are red,

It’s elementary,

Let’s ring up my friend,

And try double-entry.

Getting your Missus to watch you bang her best mate

If you manage to pull this one off we take our hats off to you but be careful, if you look like you’re enjoying yourself you do run the risk of being stabbed right in the middle of doinking her BFF

Invite a few mates round to bang your Mrs

I mean, they’re probably all at it behind your back anyway so why not make a party out of it. Birthday, Christmas and Valentines all at once for your beloved.

Go Dogging

Nothing like the British countryside to stir up the senses and make us go all Ray Mears. Easy to set up too! All you need is a Ford transit, a tank of diesel and a mattress and you’re good to go.

Gangbang Party

A step up from her banging all your mates really except you probably won’t know this lot.

That concludes our bucket list for Valentines, see which ones you can tick off for 2020. In the meantime there’s a ton of heart pumping strumpets on the number one UK porno channel Television X. Get all the action by calling 0871 271 6869 or by visiting www.televisionx.com

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